Saturday, October 22, 2011

Signing off

Well, all good things must come to an end.

I casually logged on the other day and realized I hadn't made an entry since July!  Not really surprised.  The older and busier the little guy gets, and the less time I have.  And let's face it - if I do have "spare" time, I want to spend it with him!  Or my husband (sorry about the 2nd place thing know I love ya).

Not to mention the fact that all my creative juices are being used up building mega-blocks cities and play-doh monsters, or trying to think of ways to sneak vegetables in at supper time.  Not very domestic-goddess-like you say?  Bah!  Tis what it is.  I wouldn't change it for the world.

I started this blog at a time in my life that was filled with change, new experiences, joy, fear, awe, discovery....transformation.  It served as a sounding board when I needed to vent, a place of clarity when I needed to collect my thoughts, and a memoriam - a place to store the day to day experiences that I'm sure my mommy-brain would otherwise forget.  These pages represent, for me, my journey from being a woman to a new mother.  Not that that journey is over, or ever ends.

In fact it's precisely my loving obsession with that journey that draws me away from this piece of my life.  A bitter-sweet ending...that's mostly sweet (so I guess that's semi-sweet?).  So to save myself the embarrassment of having my blog collect cyber-dust, I'm signing off and saying goodbye to JournalofanOrdinary.  For now.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

All kinds of cute

I know that people must get tired of hearing parents boast about how wonderful their own children are, but I'm going to anyway.  I have the cutest kid ever.  And he just gets cuter every day.

Now that he's talking a little more he's starting to string 2 or 3 words together.  This week he started saying, "Thank you mommy" when I hand him something (only it sounds like "tayne-too mommy").  How freakin' cute is that?  My heart just melts every time.  I randomly hand him things just to hear him say it.

Another favourite is one he just started saying on his own..."no way".  Not as a refusal but like, as an exclamation if you can imagine it.  Only he raises the pitch at the end so it sounds like a question - "No way?!".  I can't do it justice writing about it this way, but I can't get over how adorable it is.

The other thing he started to do recently is call us "honey" - I guess because my husband and I call each other honey sometimes.  He'll call me from the other room, "Unnie?  Unnie!?" (he hasn't quite figured out "h" yet) - I crack up every time. 

And he's learning to sing too.  He misses most of the words but just jabbers on with the music (and he does fairly well with the tune surprisingly) and he'll throw in the odd word at the end of a phrase if he knows it.  Like with Old McDonald he usually jumps in for the E-I-E-I-O right on time.  And with Ring Around the Rosie he knows just when "we all fall down!".  I'm pretty sure this doesn't impress anyone other than me and my husband, but like I said...he's just so darn cute.

Of course being a little sponge isn't always a good thing.  I'm now painfully aware of how often I say "shit".  Because every time I do he repeats it (and sometimes even when I don't...).  I really need to clean up my potty mouth.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Ready for round two?

Ever since my son was born, everyone keeps asking me "Are you going to have another one?".

Initially, when my son was still an infant, the thought of having another tiny, screaming, pooping, sleep-stealing little bundle to worry about (no matter how much love and joy came with it) just seemed overwhelming and....well, impossible.

As he got older, I could see where many parents come to the decision that they would like to have more.  I, however, have yet to come to that place.

When my husband and I started talking about having children, we imagined that ideally we would like to have 2 kids.  I have one brother, and my husband has two, so we were pretty sure that we wanted our little one to have siblings.  That was then.  Before I realized that not all babies are created equal.  Of course I always new that all babies are different, but now I really understand how different they can be. 

You see, I think my little guy has always been just a little more challenging then other babies.  A little more determined.  More active.  More mischevious.  More sensitive.  More everthing.  One only has to read through some of the stories I've told in my blog posts to get an idea of what I mean.  And not that I'm complaining - I wouldn't trade his vibrant personality for anything, even though I do often wonder what motherhood is like for mom's with babies who have an "easy" temperment.

The result of all his energy and demands, however, is a mommy who can't quite wrap her head around looking after two (or more!) of the same.  I know that may change as he gets older (he's 21 months now).  In fact, recently he's begun to be able to communicate his needs much more effectively verbally, and this alone has helped reduce the frustration level in our house.  And we've been putting his energy to good use having him help with chores (he loves doing laundry and picking up toys...mind you he likes throwing toys around and emptying the clean clothes out of his drawers more but I still like to think of it as progress).

A big part of me is just so happy and content with our little family just the way it is.  I don't want to change anything.  But then I see how he socializes with other kids and want for him to have a brother or sister to share the imagination and wonder of childhood with.  And then I have these random thoughts about getting pregnant again....

Something tells me one day I'll wake up and just desperately want to have another one, much the same way I wanted to get pregnant the first time.  But for now, my little man has my undivided attention when we're together.  And that's just exactly the way he likes it.   

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

I'd rather be doing housework?

I have discovered that being back at work full time means that I don’t have any time left for anything anymore. So it goes without saying that I’ve been a terrible blogger and for that I apologize. Not that I know who exactly I’m apologizing to because I doubt that I have any readers left at this point.

So what’s been happening in the Ordinary life? A whole lotta working and chores it seems. I’m really finding that I feel like I don’t get to see enough of my little monkey anymore, and I’ve been having a hard time with that. I’m told it gets easier…but do I want it to? I don’t want to get used to missing him. Even when I am home with him I feel like I can’t give him my full attention because there’s laundry and dishes and chores…My solution? I’m hiring a cleaning lady. My husband tells me I’m being ridiculous, but he doesn’t do the housework now does he? Pick up a dust cloth or mop once in a while and then you can have an opinion. He knows when to shut up.

Hmm…what else? Since the little guy had surgery to get tubes in his ears, the whole constant ear infection thing was supposed to get better. Well now, that would have been too easy. He’s been leaking what can only be described as GOO from both of his ears ever since he had a cold 2 weeks ago; I’m grateful that he’s no longer in pain, but I was really hoping the ear infections would stop. He’s still needing antibiotics and eardrops.

I was really hoping he wouldn’t need antibiotics anymore because they’ve been killing his appetite – all he wants is bread and Cheerios (and Arrowroots!) – he won’t touch fruit or veggies or meat. And of course being allergic to dairy limits our options too. I tried so hard to avoid creating a fussy eater! Boo.
I guess one bonus since his ear surgery is that his language development seems to have really
blossomed. Maybe a coincidence, but it makes me wonder how well he was hearing before. It’s such an incredible thing to see him learning so quickly – it seems every day he learns a new word or two: Bum. Box. Bubble. Bye-bye. Boot. (This week has been brought to you by the letter “B”). It doesn’t stop being adorable.

Aside from me worrying about my little man, we’ve been busy trying to get our house finished so that we can move in next month. There’s been a lot of delays and hiccups along the way, but things are looking really good. We’re just finishing the flooring and paint, and then the kitchen and bathrooms can go in – very exciting. It will definitely make the headache of moving again worthwhile.

Okay so I better stop there because I’m fairly certain this isn’t considered “work-related”. (Don’t judge…like I said, I’m still having difficulty finding the balance). Till next time.

Thursday, March 17, 2011


Can I just say that I am SO F-ING DONE with flu season!!!?!!  BAHHHHH.

I have this anxiety issue when it comes to infectious stomach bugs.  I've always been totally paranoid about getting sick.  Well someone should have warned me that paranoid feeling would grow exponentially when I became a mom.

Last year the baby was still fairly small, and I was still on maternity leave, so it was easier.  When there was a lot of illness in the community I kept him home.  Safe and protected in our vomit-free home.  Well now that he's in daycare I'm faced with daily anxiety about what communicable disease he's going to come home with next.  It's not like I can hose him down in Lysol (although the thought has occurred to me).

I've come to terms with the fact that he's going to have lots of colds (in fact he's had 4 or 5 already just in the 6 weeks that he's been going to daycare).  But these stomach flu-type illnesses are a whole other story.  It just freaks me out.  I can't really explain it.  I just have this totally irrational anxiety about it.  (Yes, I'm a nurse.  Other people are allowed to be sick - just not me or my family.  Don't judge.)

He's only been sick with one of these bugs once - about 3 weeks ago it went around the daycare.  I was almost relieved when he finally did get sick because it was like I could stop worrying about it.  And luckily he had a really mild case so it wasn't the catastrophic puke-and-poop fest I had envisioned.

Well today I go to pick him up at daycare and hear about how a couple of the kids have been sick with vomiting and diarrhea, and this feeling of anxiety and dread washes over me.  NOT AGAIN!  I hate this.

I wish I could just keep him home and prevent him from being exposed to all this crap.  And I don't wanna hear about how "it's good for his immune system" or how "if he's sick a lot now he'll be healthier later" because it really doesn't make me feel any better.  I'm still a bundle of nerves waiting for the barf-bomb to hit.

I CAN'T WAIT for this part to be over.

Monday, March 7, 2011

One more reason why I love that man...

Today I'm going to stray from my usual material (namely mommyhood-type stuff) and delve into the world  Scary, I know, but I've had requests for building updates and I wouldn't want to disappoint my readers (all 5 of them).

So while I've been preoccupied ...distracted by ...completely self-absorbed with the process of returning to work and all it entails, my beloved husband has been on his own journey - building our home.  He's been working hard.  REALLY hard. 

He's been out there pounding nails in high winds, snow, rain, and frigid cold.  The weather has not been very cooperative.  Now that March is here I had hoped we would get a little break from this winter madness - I think we've had enough!  In fact, on my way home from work today the billboard at the local church (usually displaying a feel-good spiritual message about love or family or other warm and fuzzy things) reads as follows:
Whoever keeps praying for snow, please stop.
No shit.

Anyway, all his hard work is paying off because what was once a hole in the ground is quickly taking shape into the house we've dreamt of building for years.
Foundation poured
Floor joists going on - there's my hubby!
Walls up
So that's how the house building is coming along.  Stay tuned for periodic updates - I anticipate that there should be some good blogging material to come as my husband and I try to agree on things like flooring and paint colours.  Dangerous.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Boobie blues?

Well I guess I should begin by apologizing for the negativity of my last post.  But in my defense, I started this blog as a sounding board for the part of me that sometimes needs to rant.  Because if I don't, things get ugly.

So for all you folks out there who maybe don't want to read about hormones and female problems, I'll take this opportunity to suggest you skip this particular post.

Is there any one else out there that found their hormones forced them onto an emotional roller coaster when they were weaning??  I wasn't anticipating this.  It's kind of like the way I felt with postpartum blues, only I don't have the excuse of the blues to explain my complete lack of mental stability.  It's worse this week, because I'm about to get my period to boot.  Usually I just feel irritable though, not so....emotional. 

I can't stop crying.  About everything.  And I feel really anxious and worried about things, like in an irrational way.  And I'm grouchy.  I feel a little crazy.

Everyone tells me that I should give myself a break because I just started back to work and have a lot on my plate and all that, but I honestly don't think this has anything to do with being back at work.  In fact, I feel better when I'm at work because I'm busy.

Anyway, just wondering if this is something other people have experienced?  I'm still nursing a couple times a day, so we haven't completely weaned yet, and I'm worried this will get worse when we do.

On a completely unrelated note, I don't seem to have much time left for blogging with everything else that's going on these days, so I'm a little concerned about the future of this journal.  We shall see.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Timing is everything

Tomorrow's the big day - officially back to work.  I've been busy getting ready:

Wean baby from breast...check.
Find daycare...check.
Get haircut...check.
Find things to wear other than pajamas...check.
Get the worst cold I've had in years...check.
Give it to the baby...check.

Oh yeah, and did I mention that we're in the middle of building the house?  To make matters worse the little guy is really NOT adjusting to daycare very well - we're having some pretty crazy separation anxiety issues (but that's another story). 

So the poor little monkey's been coughing and snotting and crying all over the place, as have I, and neither of us have slept more than a couple of hours at a time in days.  My sinuses, ears, and eyeballs feel like they're going to all simultaneously explode snot everywhere.  I can't take cold medicine because I'm trying to keep my milk supply up enough to breastfeed at least once or twice a day and apparently decongestants will dry up your milk.  And I have to get up and go to work in the morning for the first time in a year and a half.  JOY.

Because that's just how I like to do things, you know?  Go big or go home.  If I'm gonna be stressed out I might as well make it a good one and just pile all the shit up at once.

I wonder if this is a sign that I shouldn't be going back to work at all...

Goodnight.  I'm going to bed to lay awake and attempt to sleep breathe.

Thursday, February 3, 2011


I'm starting to get a little worried.  My son has only just started to take his first tentative steps (a late bloomer in that regard).  He has for some time, however, been working on various other stunts and acrobatics.  Mostly climbing.

For a couple of months now he has been able to climb up and down from the couch pretty gracefully.  Once he got bored with that however, he started trying to climb over the arms and back of it.  Then he moved on to the coffee table.  Then it was his "stand and learn" table:

 Instead of "standing and learning" he climbs up on top of it and perches there like a cat.  Now he steps up onto the electric baseboard heater to get up on the window ledge- and he just clings there like spider man. 
Today he started with the chin-ups on the kitchen counter.  He can't get his chin all the way up yet, but he can get both feet off of the floor and then tries to scale the cupboard.  How am I ever going to baby proof my house now?

My friend was telling me the other day about a little guy she knew of the used to balance on the arms of furniture and dangle from ceiling fans.  For reals?  I'm terrified.  I've had a hard enough time keeping up with him on all fours!

Monday, January 17, 2011


I've been offered the job I've been waiting for since I started working as a nurse - a Monday to Friday that will mean NO MORE SHIFT WORK!!  So it was a big decision, but I've decided to go back to work full time after all.  Considering the long-term, it was an opportunity I couldn't pass up.  But I'm still very sad and nervous to be leaving my little monkey...    

This also means that the time has finally come for me to face the challenge of weaning my son from breastfeeding.  It's been almost 16 months, and aside from the initial HELL of the first week or so (you breastfeeding moms out there know what I'm talking about), and a few ignorant remarks, I've enjoyed every day of it.  This part, however, I'm dreading.

You know how they tell you right from early on not to let your baby get in the habit of nursing to sleep?  Yeah well they obviously didn't have babies that woke up during the night.  When his eczema or ears are bad, my little guy can wake up as many as 7 or 8 times a night.  And let me tell you, when you're that sleep deprived you don't give a shit what the experts say, and you will do whatever it takes to get your child to sleep.  Consequently, he won't go sleep without it (or without me).  So clearly this change is not going to be easy.

So far though, he's been pretty readily accepting soy milk in a bottle (since he's allergic to dairy), and I'm hopeful that things will continue to go smoothly.  I will miss breastfeeding dearly, but I am REALLY looking forward to being able to eat dairy again, not to mention indulging in a few glasses of wine.  I'm also looking forward to wearing a normal bra again.  Because lets face it - this is not sexy:

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Kicking and Screaming

You know that expression about being dragged kicking and screaming?  We'll I've probably used it in one way or another about 5000 times.  Yesterday I learned what it really meant. 

You see kicking and screaming, is an actual thing.  That kids do.  In public.

I'm pretty careful about not dragging my 16 month old on errands when he's tired or hungry or otherwise out of sorts, because frankly it's usually enough of a challenge when the deck's stacked in my favour.  And yesterday was no exception.  Despite being well rested and fed however, my son still decided that he was going to throw us a curve ball and make our little family trip to the Home Depot as difficult as possible.

We put him in the big orange cart when we arrived and at first things seemed to be going smoothly.  We headed to the kitchen section and started looking at counter tops and cabinets.  But then he wanted out.  Scream.  SCREAM.  SCREEEEEAAAAAM.  (Curious looks from other shoppers).  So now I'm carrying him.

We proceeded to discuss our cabinet options with the helpful-but-a-little-too-pushy store associate in the orange apron, while the baby twisted and turned in my arms, lurching his 25 pounds around trying to get his hands on anything and everything.  Now he wants down.  Scream.  Scream.  SCREAM. (Annoyed looks from other shoppers).  Normally I would never consider putting him down to crawl on a dirty store floor, but we were in a fairly clean looking little carpeted area (and my arms were burning with strain) so I caved and set him down to explore. 

Within 15 seconds he had found a drawer in the kitchen display that actually had stuff in it (who knew they actually stored things in their displays?), fetched a black permanent marker from inside, and had the cap off.  Naturally another screaming session ensued when I had to confiscate it. (More annoyed looks from other shoppers).  Meanwhile my husband and the dude in the orange apron just kept talking about cabinet doors.

After he had discovered that nearly ALL of the display cabinets had contents, there was no stopping him, so I had to pick him back up.  Why is it so friggin' hot in here?  SCREEEAAAAM.  I tried putting him in the cart again.  SCREEEAAAM.  So I take him back out, throwing my a husband a desperate look - help!  When he didn't catch on I interrupted their little cabinet conversation and plopped the little rascal into my husbands arms - here, you deal with him for a bit.

So I tried listen to what Orange Apron had to say about counter tops while watching my husband struggling to hang on to a wriggling, screeching toddler.  He too finally resorted to setting him down on the floor.  He found a display of counter top samples and proceeded to pull them out and pile them on the floor.  Initially I was going to let him, but when we started to get looks of disapproval from another guy in an orange apron I had to step in and pick him back up.

Scream.  SCREAM.  SCREEEEAAAAAMMM.   I stood there, now sweating, holding him in Superman position while he squealed and screeched and kicked his legs.  Orange Apron didn't seem to notice and proceeded to try and talk me into a solid surface counter top (that I had clearly told him we couldn't afford), but everyone else in the store seemed to be looking at us.  More disapproving looks from the other sales clerk.  Sympathetic looks from a lady walking by with her well-behaved 8 year old.  Terrified looks from a very pregnant young woman and her partner.  Annoyed looks from a cranky old man who probably forgot to take his Metamucil.  Dirty looks from a middle-aged woman who probably doesn't remember that her kids once misbehaved.   

I waited for Orange Apron to take a breath and interrupted him as politely as I could, explaining that we'd have to come back some other time (as if it wasn't totally obvious that now wasn't the best time...was this guy stunned?).  We headed toward the exit with a tantruming child in tow, fetching glares from onlookers the whole way.  A nice older lady greeting customers at the door offered her assistance (bless her heart) and took our cart back after watching us both struggle for a few minutes trying to get the baby's coat and hat on while he screamed and fought us every inch of the way.

Out the door we headed, having accomplished absolutely nothing.  I can't wait to go grocery shopping tomorrow.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Snow stinks

Well, I don't know what the weather is doing where you are but here in Central Ontario it JUST KEEPS SNOWING.  We used to be snowmobilers (aka 'sledheads'), but when I got pregnant "we" decided that our money would be better spent on more practical family things.  Subsequently, the wintertime has lost some most all of it's appeal. 

I had a fantastic idea and decided to get the little guy a sled for Christmas.  I thought we could get out for walks and enjoy the snow a bit.  It has a weather shield so I figured if I bundled him up he'd be plenty warm.  It looks like this:
The first time we put him in it he had a total meltdown and we didn't get out of the driveway.  We tried again today - it was beautiful and sunny and we were all in better moods.  This time we had a little more success and managed to make it a couple of blocks before the screaming started.  He was cold, I think, but he wouldn't let me zip up the weather shield because it freaked him out.  So we had to take turns carrying him home instead (and let me tell you, a 25 lb toddler with snow gear on gets heavy FAST). 

So I'm back to hating this snowy mess we're in.  The only thing keeping me from wishing the winter away is knowing that I have to go back to work in the spring.  Every time I think about it I feel sick.  Or like crying.  I have no doubt that I'll have a harder time with this than the baby will.