Timing is everything

Tomorrow's the big day - officially back to work.  I've been busy getting ready:

Wean baby from breast...check.
Find daycare...check.
Get haircut...check.
Find things to wear other than pajamas...check.
Get the worst cold I've had in years...check.
Give it to the baby...check.

Oh yeah, and did I mention that we're in the middle of building the house?  To make matters worse the little guy is really NOT adjusting to daycare very well - we're having some pretty crazy separation anxiety issues (but that's another story). 

So the poor little monkey's been coughing and snotting and crying all over the place, as have I, and neither of us have slept more than a couple of hours at a time in days.  My sinuses, ears, and eyeballs feel like they're going to all simultaneously explode snot everywhere.  I can't take cold medicine because I'm trying to keep my milk supply up enough to breastfeed at least once or twice a day and apparently decongestants will dry up your milk.  And I have to get up and go to work in the morning for the first time in a year and a half.  JOY.

Because that's just how I like to do things, you know?  Go big or go home.  If I'm gonna be stressed out I might as well make it a good one and just pile all the shit up at once.

I wonder if this is a sign that I shouldn't be going back to work at all...

Goodnight.  I'm going to bed to lay awake and attempt to sleep breathe.

Daredevil

I'm starting to get a little worried.  My son has only just started to take his first tentative steps (a late bloomer in that regard).  He has for some time, however, been working on various other stunts and acrobatics.  Mostly climbing.

For a couple of months now he has been able to climb up and down from the couch pretty gracefully.  Once he got bored with that however, he started trying to climb over the arms and back of it.  Then he moved on to the coffee table.  Then it was his "stand and learn" table:

 Instead of "standing and learning" he climbs up on top of it and perches there like a cat.  Now he steps up onto the electric baseboard heater to get up on the window ledge- and he just clings there like spider man. 
Today he started with the chin-ups on the kitchen counter.  He can't get his chin all the way up yet, but he can get both feet off of the floor and then tries to scale the cupboard.  How am I ever going to baby proof my house now?

My friend was telling me the other day about a little guy she knew of the used to balance on the arms of furniture and dangle from ceiling fans.  For reals?  I'm terrified.  I've had a hard enough time keeping up with him on all fours!

Changes

I've been offered the job I've been waiting for since I started working as a nurse - a Monday to Friday that will mean NO MORE SHIFT WORK!!  So it was a big decision, but I've decided to go back to work full time after all.  Considering the long-term, it was an opportunity I couldn't pass up.  But I'm still very sad and nervous to be leaving my little monkey...    

This also means that the time has finally come for me to face the challenge of weaning my son from breastfeeding.  It's been almost 16 months, and aside from the initial HELL of the first week or so (you breastfeeding moms out there know what I'm talking about), and a few ignorant remarks, I've enjoyed every day of it.  This part, however, I'm dreading.

You know how they tell you right from early on not to let your baby get in the habit of nursing to sleep?  Yeah well they obviously didn't have babies that woke up during the night.  When his eczema or ears are bad, my little guy can wake up as many as 7 or 8 times a night.  And let me tell you, when you're that sleep deprived you don't give a shit what the experts say, and you will do whatever it takes to get your child to sleep.  Consequently, he won't go sleep without it (or without me).  So clearly this change is not going to be easy.

So far though, he's been pretty readily accepting soy milk in a bottle (since he's allergic to dairy), and I'm hopeful that things will continue to go smoothly.  I will miss breastfeeding dearly, but I am REALLY looking forward to being able to eat dairy again, not to mention indulging in a few glasses of wine.  I'm also looking forward to wearing a normal bra again.  Because lets face it - this is not sexy:

Kicking and Screaming

You know that expression about being dragged kicking and screaming?  We'll I've probably used it in one way or another about 5000 times.  Yesterday I learned what it really meant. 

You see kicking and screaming, is an actual thing.  That kids do.  In public.

I'm pretty careful about not dragging my 16 month old on errands when he's tired or hungry or otherwise out of sorts, because frankly it's usually enough of a challenge when the deck's stacked in my favour.  And yesterday was no exception.  Despite being well rested and fed however, my son still decided that he was going to throw us a curve ball and make our little family trip to the Home Depot as difficult as possible.

We put him in the big orange cart when we arrived and at first things seemed to be going smoothly.  We headed to the kitchen section and started looking at counter tops and cabinets.  But then he wanted out.  Scream.  SCREAM.  SCREEEEEAAAAAM.  (Curious looks from other shoppers).  So now I'm carrying him.

We proceeded to discuss our cabinet options with the helpful-but-a-little-too-pushy store associate in the orange apron, while the baby twisted and turned in my arms, lurching his 25 pounds around trying to get his hands on anything and everything.  Now he wants down.  Scream.  Scream.  SCREAM. (Annoyed looks from other shoppers).  Normally I would never consider putting him down to crawl on a dirty store floor, but we were in a fairly clean looking little carpeted area (and my arms were burning with strain) so I caved and set him down to explore. 

Within 15 seconds he had found a drawer in the kitchen display that actually had stuff in it (who knew they actually stored things in their displays?), fetched a black permanent marker from inside, and had the cap off.  Naturally another screaming session ensued when I had to confiscate it. (More annoyed looks from other shoppers).  Meanwhile my husband and the dude in the orange apron just kept talking about cabinet doors.

After he had discovered that nearly ALL of the display cabinets had contents, there was no stopping him, so I had to pick him back up.  Why is it so friggin' hot in here?  SCREEEAAAAM.  I tried putting him in the cart again.  SCREEEAAAM.  So I take him back out, throwing my a husband a desperate look - help!  When he didn't catch on I interrupted their little cabinet conversation and plopped the little rascal into my husbands arms - here, you deal with him for a bit.

So I tried listen to what Orange Apron had to say about counter tops while watching my husband struggling to hang on to a wriggling, screeching toddler.  He too finally resorted to setting him down on the floor.  He found a display of counter top samples and proceeded to pull them out and pile them on the floor.  Initially I was going to let him, but when we started to get looks of disapproval from another guy in an orange apron I had to step in and pick him back up.

Scream.  SCREAM.  SCREEEEAAAAAMMM.   I stood there, now sweating, holding him in Superman position while he squealed and screeched and kicked his legs.  Orange Apron didn't seem to notice and proceeded to try and talk me into a solid surface counter top (that I had clearly told him we couldn't afford), but everyone else in the store seemed to be looking at us.  More disapproving looks from the other sales clerk.  Sympathetic looks from a lady walking by with her well-behaved 8 year old.  Terrified looks from a very pregnant young woman and her partner.  Annoyed looks from a cranky old man who probably forgot to take his Metamucil.  Dirty looks from a middle-aged woman who probably doesn't remember that her kids once misbehaved.   

I waited for Orange Apron to take a breath and interrupted him as politely as I could, explaining that we'd have to come back some other time (as if it wasn't totally obvious that now wasn't the best time...was this guy stunned?).  We headed toward the exit with a tantruming child in tow, fetching glares from onlookers the whole way.  A nice older lady greeting customers at the door offered her assistance (bless her heart) and took our cart back after watching us both struggle for a few minutes trying to get the baby's coat and hat on while he screamed and fought us every inch of the way.

Out the door we headed, having accomplished absolutely nothing.  I can't wait to go grocery shopping tomorrow.

Snow stinks

Well, I don't know what the weather is doing where you are but here in Central Ontario it JUST KEEPS SNOWING.  We used to be snowmobilers (aka 'sledheads'), but when I got pregnant "we" decided that our money would be better spent on more practical family things.  Subsequently, the wintertime has lost some most all of it's appeal. 

I had a fantastic idea and decided to get the little guy a sled for Christmas.  I thought we could get out for walks and enjoy the snow a bit.  It has a weather shield so I figured if I bundled him up he'd be plenty warm.  It looks like this:

The first time we put him in it he had a total meltdown and we didn't get out of the driveway.  We tried again today - it was beautiful and sunny and we were all in better moods.  This time we had a little more success and managed to make it a couple of blocks before the screaming started.  He was cold, I think, but he wouldn't let me zip up the weather shield because it freaked him out.  So we had to take turns carrying him home instead (and let me tell you, a 25 lb toddler with snow gear on gets heavy FAST). 

So I'm back to hating this snowy mess we're in.  The only thing keeping me from wishing the winter away is knowing that I have to go back to work in the spring.  Every time I think about it I feel sick.  Or like crying.  I have no doubt that I'll have a harder time with this than the baby will. 

O Christmas tree, how ever-synthetic your branches

Each year I am faced with the same Christmas dilemma...real or fake?  The pure, fragrant, traditional, nostalgia of a real tree?  Or the hassle and mess free ease of an artificial one?  Years ago we started using an artificial tree and haven't really looked back, except that for the nagging sense of guilt that I feel every year as I pop the tree up, lights and all, in two minutes flat. 

You see I'm the kinda girl that takes a certain pleasure in the simple things this world offers - home cooked meals, baking from scratch, walks in the woods, you get the idea.  And I really try hard not to get caught up in the commercial consumerism that has become Christmas for so many people.  So an artificial tree kinda goes against my beliefs, if you will.

But then I remember.  You see, putting up the Christmas tree brings back some childhood memories that are the complete opposite of joyful or merry.  After my parent's divorce, there wasn't a handy man around to do the manly things required to get a tree from the lot to your living room (like strap a tree to the roof of the car or saw off the bottom branches).  My mom didn't let that stop her by any means (she's a champ) but the going was tough.  By the time we had the tree home and ready to go into the stand we were all pretty worn out.

Ah yes.  The tree stand.  I'm pretty sure they've come a long way since the last one that I had to deal with almost 20 years ago (for you real-tree people I truly hope they have), but the one I remember was green metal with four curved legs coming off of a round bowl.  There were 4 bolt-like pegs that poked through the bowl so you could tighten them into the trunk of the tree to hold it up. 

It sucked.  I vividly remember my brother and I fighting to hold the tree upright as my mom tried to tighten those stupid pegs to secure the tree, all the while we were getting poked in the hands and arms by a thousand little needles.  After what seemed like hours of battling to get the tree just UP, we still had to untangle and string lights.  Once the tree was finally decorated, it would inevitably fall down in the middle of the night and we'd have to start over again.  I remember one year all three of us ended up crying over the tree that just wouldn't stand.  That was the last year we had a real tree.

I guess all the memories aren't bad.  I do recall the excitement of running through the maze of freshly cut and snow covered trees with my brother trying to pick the perfect one.  And of course there's the unbeatable fragrance of pine in your home.  And once we finally did get the tree up it was always beautiful.

So I do feel a little guilty having an artificial tree, but not nearly guilty enough to go back and relive that nightmare.  Plus, the baby would totally just eat the needles and I'm pretty sure that wouldn't be good.  Oh yeah and I'm also saving the planet a little by not cutting a tree down.  So there.

Where'd she go?

Okay so it's been over a month since I've posted, and it's been a very busy month indeed.  Perhaps I temporarily had my priorities straight and was focused on my real life...(cough)

Anyway my apologies for the lack of commitment on my part.  I also apologize in advance for this post as it really has no particular theme and is really more of an update.  Because I needed to post about something.  Right.

So in the last month we've moved, semi-unpacked, and are sort of settled in our new (old) rental place.  We officially own a little piece of land that's nothing more than snow and trees right now, but I'm very proud and pleased just the same.  Hopefully we'll have a hole in the ground soon.

My little monkey is sick again with an ear infection and it's looking like he'll need tubes.  Initially I was relieved to hear this, as I had tubes in my ears as a child and they essentially put an end to painful ear infections.  Then I thought about letting go of my little guy while strangers whisked him away to put him under anaesthetic whilst we both sob in terror....and then I hyperventilated a little and decided it was best if I just didn't think about it until I absolutely HAVE to.  I think it's safer for everyone that way.

Let's see....what else....oh yeah - CHRISTMAS.  We'll it sure snuck up on me this year.  I detest Christmas shopping but this year I did most of it online which was freaking fantastic and is officially my new favourite thing.  Also, we're poor this year so I've been busy making preserves to give as gifts.  Still have to bake and wrap.  Can't wait to spend time with the fam (by fam I of course mean wine, cranberry martinis, and coffee with Baileys).

I'm pretty sure I'm missing some stuff because I literally haven't stopped for weeks but that's the gist of it.